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She Unblocked Me, But No Contact

While absentmindedly scrolling through your socials, perhaps you accidentally stumble upon a post or photo uploaded by your ex, who, you incidentally haven’t seen – either in a personal or digital space – in approximately three months; or nine months; or three years. Regardless of how prolonged a time frame it has been since you’ve last been privy to your former fling’s presence, you make the assumption a deeper meaning prevails as to why you’re just now being re-acclimated to her existence.

As a professional unblocker myself, your hypothesis is indeed accurate my befuddled fellow, as women systematically decide who is allowed observance of our online selves according to the catalog of interpersonal relations. So, with that preface provided, what does your past partner’s acceptance of your attention mean she seeks from you?

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If the initial post you innocently found depicted an incredibly thrilling experience such as a lush vacation, euphoric partying, or an admirable career move, then there is a decently high chance your ex is granting you access to her socials deliberately, so you can witness her successes. In the scenario the breakup was primarily instigated by yourself, she is likely seeking to invoke either a sense of lust or jealousy within you, by publicly flaunting her most enticing endeavors and accolades. The probability of this underlying motivation skyrockets when a majority of her modern posts are all ubiquitously showing some kind of envy-inducing thing, be it her wealth, her beauty, her social life, her adventures, her projects, or perhaps even a new partner. Metaphorically, these visuals insinuate she is “winning” the breakup and thus, adamantly insists on you seeing them.

I have to pause being an empathetic author for an instant to directly declare how hazardous a man can be to a woman’s sanity, integrity and self-worth: whether you are actively aware of your behaviors or not, you may have inflicted trauma upon your former partner. Oftentimes, the ex of an abusive individual will block a said person on all platforms as a form of self-preservation, as the concept of him being able to continue viewing, judging, and possibly endangering her, is most harrowing. If you either knowingly or unknowingly subjected your last girlfriend to any form of harm, then her allowing you to re-enter her life illustrates an incredible amount of healing and recovery. Though you may be inclined to interact with her now that you can, this act is her final form of closure, and you would be a menace if you chose not to honor that.

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As opposed to the former, more somber section, this insight is pertinent to those who were particularly close with their previous partners before, or, grew to be incredibly intertwined with them, during the relationship. If the breakup was perchance, abruptly unforeseen, or objectively bitter, especially concerning an otherwise copacetic dynamic, then it is highly likely your ex simply wanted to disappear from your sphere temporarily, so she could privately heal from the sting or your rejection. She wouldn’t have been overly eager to sever online connections with you, but rather, was driven to do so because she knew the alternative would result in reckless behavior and the subsequent decimation of your two’s amicability. Your last lovers unblock expresses her acceptance that the romantic relationship has finitely terminated but, that she is willing to settle for a valued friendship as a form of continued association.

As the exact reverse of the first reason why some women unbar their past boyfriends from partaking in their virtual presence, others among us do the precise inverse when they perceive their ex as ‘winning’ the separation- they want back in, and doing so begins with closing the divide. Perhaps you have become incredibly successful, acquired more wealth, taken an interest in your appearance or, engaged in any other “glow up” activity, and she has since become aware of that. Granting you access to her digital content is her initial attempt at extending the proverbial olive branch, and thus, responding affirmatively to the deed, invites speculation of reciprocal interest. If you are perchance enthused by the prospect of this former flame re-igniting then alas, act upon the interest but do remain cognizant of her motivations for rekindling the relationship in the first place.

While it is apt none of the other exes whose unblocking agendas have been unearthed hitherto intend on reconnecting with you after the event, the girl who has just separated from you after ages of committed, amorous relations will desire nothing more than precisely that. If you are currently enduring an abrupt sunder from your treasured, timeless romance, the woman you miss with every ounce of your being is experiencing identical feelings of guilt, regret, and self-reproach. Regardless of which party requested the hasty departure from your projected plans and foreseen future, you both despise being apart, and the initial decision to bar you from all online platforms was impulsive; ill-considered; an accident. When she revokes this deed, it symbolizes her wish to try again- to return to the way things were before the brash break, and to continue navigating life in blissful unison with you.

Written by Caitlin Boos

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