When Guys Try to Rush Into Relationships: The Importance of Taking it Slow
Most relationships start with an explosion. A flood of infatuation followed by a shower of gifts and affection is what so many girls dream of. But, if you experience love bombing, proceed with caution. A guy may be moving fast simply because he is exhausted by the dating scene or feels pressure from peers or family to settle down already, but this isn't always the case. If a guy is ready to enter the relationship within days or weeks that may be a red flag that could affect the relationship down the line.
Rushing into anything head-first without all the information is never a good strategy. Don’t let physical attraction or a surge of serotonin influence your decisions when it comes to relationships. Rushing a relationship is never a good sign when first meeting a new love interest, this is because he may simply like the idea of being in a relationship and not the specific person.
Signs that a guy is rushing into a relationship are:
- He’s told you he loves you when you barely know his middle name.
- He wants to be with you all the time, ultimately killing the suspense and thrill of dating someone new.
- He has essentially moved in without officially moving in—he stays at your place for days at a time and his toothbrush and boxers have occupied a permanent residence in your house, this is a red flag.
- He's skipping key conversations.
Rushing something as fragile as a new relationship leaves everything up to chance. There is no time to make your intentions known so there's a risk they may not align. There is no time to establish clear boundaries which are certain to cause drama or confrontation when you don't know what lines not to cross—nothing substantial can be created without a foundation.
“Fast relationships move fast. I once dated someone who I completely fell for immediately, and I should have known better. He showed me his grandmother's engagement ring on the first date and slowly but surely started moving into my apartment during the first handful of weeks. It was passionate and intense, and then he wanted nothing to do with me. Fights began, I felt abandoned and devastated. Quick big flames burn out the quickest when it comes to relationships. The rushed ones feel out of control from the jump,” said Carmel Jones, a relationship expert. As quick as a relationship can start, the quicker it could fizzle out. If a man is as erratic with his emotions, you won't know what else to expect from him in the relationship.
It's true what they say about slow and steady. It's important to let your feelings stew before jumping into the heat of a relationship. Expose each other to your quirks and flaws, what makes you happy or sad, the buttons that set you off, and your most authentic selves. You may be so caught up in the fairy tale romantics of a relationship that you don't realize you aren't ready for the potential dynamics of the relationship.
“With my wife, I decided to do everything right, so I took things slow. I’d say it was about a year of courtship and dating before we took it seriously. The outcome: we were able to understand each other better while making the most out of that courtship stage. There was more of a longing every time we saw each other, and that made our engagement and marriage a lot sweeter,” said Jack Miller, founder of How I Get Rid Of, a leading home improvement blog.
When you rush, you don't savor each new experience you share. You skip steps and neglect the milestones and key factors that relationships are built from. Getting a feel for the other person’s personality and goals is how the relationship progresses and how you determine whether this is something you want to pursue. You might be too deep before you realize this is not who he perceived himself to be in the beginning, resulting in a messy exit.
Be intentional with your time. Don’t move too fast and skip over the beauty of getting to know each other but don't move too slowly and waste the other person’s time. “Go on dates, spend some quality time together outdoors and in the company of others to see how well they interact with people. Get to know him away from text messages and FaceTiming, because people can pretend to be what they’re not just to get you to fall for them,” said PR Manager, Adanna Jideofor.
Overall, enjoy the butterflies, goosebumps, and daydreaming of the future that all come with a new relationship.
Written by Lorraine Jones